Monday, December 14, 2009

God delights in me!!

Praying for the people of Kibera again today: for God to send those He wants to heal; for God to continue to prepare the pastors on the team for their role; for the practicalities of the right site from which to operate; for God's Kingdom to come in Kibera; for God to be glorified through the HotS ministry; telling Satan he has no place in Kibera and that its people are covered by the blood of Jesus; for God's peace to flood Kibera; for freedom for the people of Kibera from all the things that have bound them; and there was probably more.

Looked at Isaiah 61, as poverty is a form of bondage that people need to be freed from, and God promises freedom for captives. Through healing and freedom, we long to see the whole of Kibera transformed into a place that is known as somewhere that God is glorified, where His peace reigns, where no witchdoctor can practice, where there is hope despite the poverty.

This week I'll be adapting the HotS training manual into something that hopefully will fit in the Kenyan culture. Then on 4th Jan we'll meet with the pastors and go through the training with them, and maybe practice a little on each other, or on some willing guinea pigs. Once that's done it'll be time to do it for real.

I had a wobble a couple of days ago when I started wondering if God would turn up when we do this, and I read Psalm 147. Verse 10 says 'the Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love'. And I thought, isn't it great how God uses the Bible to encourage us with the right words at the right time. My wobble lasted no more than 5 minutes before I had reassurance that God was delighting in me because I was putting my hope in Him and His love for the people of Kibera.

What better reassurance could there be than to know that God is delighting in me - nothing else matters!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Godly egg

Yesterday's sermon was apparently about waiting. I wasn't around to hear it as I was teaching one of the kids' groups, but Jo reflected some of it back to me. I suppose the last few months have been a time of waiting, but not in an inactive way. It has all been about preparation, getting ready for what God is going to do.

It's been an exciting few months, and I have greatly enjoyed praying and fasting for Kibera, and for God to pour out His healing on the people of Kibera. But now the time of waiting and preparing is coming to an end. We are now only a few weeks away from when we will first offer the 'Healing on the Streets' ministry, and I've got no idea what's going to happen! Will the pastors involved follow the teaching? Will people come for prayer? Will anybody get healed? Will God turn up?

Much as I have the questions, I also have a deep sense of peace that whatever happens, I have been obedient to the part I believe God has called me to play in this. I believe that God really wants to bless the people of Kibera, and that Kibera will become a place where God is glorified, and will no longer be subject to the many evil influences and practices that go on there today. Yes, there will still be poverty, but there will be a spiritual richness, depth and wholeness displayed by more and more people as they are healed by Jesus, and as they come to experience the depth of His love for them.

So if I've got it right, God will be glorified. If not, then maybe I'll end up with egg on my face - but it will be godly egg!

Monday, November 30, 2009

A Lighter Me

Due to Holiday Clubs in Kibera, this week's blog isn't particularly related to our preparations for the healing ministry. But I wanted to blog something that I feel was significant for me that I experienced last night.

The title of my blog - a lighter me - is not a reference to my weekly fast, although that may be a side effect, I don't know. However, last night I realised I was struggling to let go of an issue that had really been troubling me, and was starting to eat away at me. The theme of yesterday's service in church was 'surrender', and I realised I needed to surrender this issue to God, but was not sure how to achieve that. It's not that I don't understand the concept of surrender, and leaving things with Christ, it's just that I find it's all too easy to say the words, earnestly meaning them, and then as I finish my prayer to unintentionally pick the things up again and continue on, no lighter than before! So I was thinking and praying about this last night, and I found myself in Psalm 143, which is another cry for help from David when he's in trouble. I was struck by verse 5 in particular, when David says "I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done". It struck me that if I could bring my issues before Christ, then think about the times in my life when He's been with me, helping me, guiding me etc, maybe that would help me to focus on just how capable He is of sorting out my issues, and so enable me to finish my prayer, and turn away, without picking them back up again.

So, did it work? Yes it did. I was able to leave what had really been nagging at my mind, and increasing my stress levels, completely with God. I slept peacefully. Even today, when I've thought again about the issue, it's with a lightness of spirit. It's almost as if, even if I wanted to, I couldn't now pick up that issue and shoulder the burden of it myself again. I've truly been able to hand it over, and it's not my concern, or mine to deal with any more.

And all because I took my cue from David, and when in trouble I remembered the times God had been faithful to me, and in that spirit I handed over my present concerns and walked away without picking them up again.

So I am a lighter me - praise God!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Team formation

Exciting day! We now have a team of local Kibera pastors, who all seem to be enthusiastic to work together for God's glory. They are Pastors Shadrack, Patrick, Alex, Jane and Justus.

Because of schools finishing this week, and the holiday clubs running for the next two weeks, we won't get together again until Jan 4th, but they are all very keen, and we finished today with a great time of prayer for each other. They will all spend time during the next few weeks praying and preparing themselves for this new ministry.

Some of them will struggle with the Healing on the Streets (HotS) model I'm sure. Some will naturally want to preach, or to pray in ways that don't fit the model. But we'll do some training with them, and some practicing, and then it'll be time for the real thing.

HotS is a very gentle form of healing ministry, and certainly focuses everything on God. So rather than praying long forceful and loud prayers for people, it's more about simply inviting the Holy Spirit to come, and gently but firmly commanding any sickness to go, in Jesus' name. In other words, it's not a naturally Kenyan way of praying!

All the pastors agreed that it would be better to start without any wazungus (white people) so that God and not us will be what attracts people to come. So that means our training on 4th Jan will need to be thorough. Maybe after some time we'll be able to join in too, but not to start with. We'll also try to get hold of a 'Why Jesus' pamphlet equivalent in Kiswahili that we can give to people who've received prayer, and although that's a part of the HotS model, it was suggested by one of the pastors today before I'd had a chance to say it.

Many of them will be fasting for the whole week of Jan 4th. As for me, I don't know - I definitely want to continue the daily fast once per week that I'm doing now, and I'll probably try and extend it that week. It won't be a bad idea after the excesses of Christmas anyway!

Although my fast will continue, these blogs may be erratic over the next few weeks. But stay with me for what I'm sure is going to be an exciting 2010!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Hope in the lament

Lamentations. I suppose the title gives it away really - there's not much optimism in there.

However, I like the first half of chapter 3, and can relate to the man of verse 1. He catalogues all the horrors that have happened to Jerusalem, and then in verses 21 - 24 stands on the hope there is in God's faithfullness.

That's where I am. I have witnessed, and continue to witness, the despair and depravation in Kibera, YET I'm standing in faith expecting that God will show mercy and bring healing and hope to the people of this place.

And I'm not standing alone. We now have a small group of pastors joining us today for the first time, all desiring to see God move in power here in Kibera. Today I've got man flu, so I haven't been able to physically join with them, but I'm there in spirit, and it's exciting to know that others are catching the vision.

Next week we will be joining hands together as we continue to break down the strongholds of Satan in Kibera.

I'm glad I'm on the side that's already won!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Getting nervous

Starting to read Lamentations today, as part of my preparations. I've only looked at chapter 1 today, but there are already many similarities between the people living in the ruins of Jerusalem and those living in Kibera. For example, v 11: 'All her people groan as they search for bread; they barter their treasures for food to keep themselves alive.' For many mums in Kibera, you could change treasures for bodies.

Kibera is a place full of every kind of depravity, full of destitute and desperate people, a place of much darkness. I long to see the light of God shining brightly here, and I believe that through God's healing power, His glory will be revealed in Kibera, and the darkness will begin to be pushed back.

I've also been praying about my role in all of this, and am beginning to think it may be to train and equip local pastors in the 'Healing on the Streets' model, and then to release them into this type of ministry. But I'm not sure yet, so will continue to seek God's guidance on this. It could just be that as the time approaches to start something, I'm conveniently finding myself a way out of being on the front line? Although I'd actually enjiy being involved, so I don't know. I'm also not sure if me being a mzungu (white person) will send the wrong message if I'm involved hands on - ie that God works through the whites, and that isn't a message I'd want to be conveying, even by accident.

So, I think the time has come to begin to get a group of pastors together to be a part of this. Pastors who can catch the vision, and who can commit to being a part of it, including the training, and a regular weekly healing ministry time. And once we're trained and equipped, it'll be up to God to turn up in power. And for us to deflect all the glory back to him. Sound simple, but as the time gets nearer, I find I have more voices in my head expressing doubts that what we're thinking of is really of God. So I'm having to just put my shoes of faith on, and walk blindly on, trusting that God is leading me.

But I am a little nervous!

Monday, November 2, 2009

What's my name?

Today is the first Monday since starting this weekly fast that I haven't really wanted to do it. Doesn't help that I'm tired, and feeling a bit under the weather. And I feel HUNGRY!!!

Nevertheless (good word that) I am choosing to persevere. Today, I've been reading about the account in Genesis of Jacob wrestling with God. Good stuff though I don't think anyone is that clear on what is actually going on. But it's certainly a lesson in perseverance. Jacob refused to let go, even though his hip had been dislocated, until God answered his prayer and blessed him.

It makes me wonder whether I should do an 'all-night' prayer session - though the idea has no appeal, and I wonder how I'd stay awake! I suppose Jzcob couldn't really fall asleep as his all-nighter was very active and physical. Maybe I could no an all-night prayer walk in Kibera, but unfortunately it's too dangerous at night to consider that seriously.

So maybe, for me, the lesson to be learnt here is not about praying all night. Maybe it is about perseverance, about not giving up on a day when I'm not 'feeling' so enthusiastic about fasting, but demonstrating to God that I am serious about this, and that I will persevere, no matter what. Jacob certainly did, and received the blessing of God in return for his persistence.

What will I get in return for mine? My honest desire is to see God's Kungdom come in Kibera. To see the people there set free from the chains that bind them to poverty - and many of those chains are spiritual. So for deliverance, and for healing, and through this to see God glorified through the testimony of His transformational power at work there.

Jacob was blessed by being given the name 'Israel' - Prince with God, or he strives with God, or may God persevere.

If I could choose a name for me, it would be something like 'he sees God's power and love for those who have been forgotten'.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Glory of God

The concluding chapter of Piper's book today. Why does God reward fasting. Piper's view is because ultimately it is demonstrating a reliance on God, which must bring glory to God, and that is what God is all about - bring glory to himself.

I'm not sure where I am with this view, but there is enough evidence in history to prove that fasting is rewarded by God to believe that my fasting for the people of Kibera will too be rewarded. How it is rewarded is not for me to say. So whether or not God brings his healing to the streets of Kibera, or he rewards my fast in some other way, and maybe even a way I never see, I still believe it will be rewarded.

So, where do I go from here? Next week I may review my notes on Piper's book, or maybe I'll look to the Bible for inspiration - I don't know. This fast has so far been a time of preparation fir me, and I'm not sure when I'll know i'm fully prepared, or at least as prepared as God wants me to be. If I'm too well prepared, I guess I may be tempted to try to do stuff in my own srrength, a course of action that is doomed to failure, and that I do not want to take, as it will bring NO glory to God.

But I think my spiritual state is much healthier for this fast, and that may be enough. After all, pretty much everything we've done at TP has been done by us relying on God, so why should this next step be any different. I guess it feels more important and significant because it's on the spiritual plane this time - the other aspects of our work are very much dealing with meeting the needs of the here and now, not eternal things of the soul.

So, I'm excited, a little bit scared, feeling out of my depth but knowing that God is with me. And still feeling compelled to go on.

I believe God's glory is going to be seen in Kibera in a big way! And that's why I'm doing it - for the glory of God.

Monday, October 19, 2009

A work in progress

How great is my desire for God. Does my soul 'pant' for Him as in Psalm 42? Does my soul 'thirst' and my flesh 'yearn' for him - Ps 63? Do I count everything as loss compared to the value of knowing Christ - Phil 3:8?

No. I guess I don't.

Do I want to? Am I brave enough to say to God that nothing else matters, only Him? To put complete faith and trust in Him?

No.

But I'm closer to being able to honestly do that than I was a year ago. Even than I was a couple of months ago when I began fasting.

I guess I'm a work in progress, and though I may well never get to that point of complete, total and utter surrender of every part of me and my life to God and His purposes for me, and I will continue to be satisfied in some areas, to some degree, by things rather than by God, as long as I'm not accepting mediocrity, but always striving for more holiness, more of God in my life, I guess I'm going the right way at least.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Butterman!

Isaiah 58 today. A passage Jo and I know well, as it was instrumental in us setting up Turning Point originally. However, it's easy to skip over it now because of its familiarity, and that's not good.

Looking at it again today I've realised that some verses can be interpreted in more than one way; that there may be both a practical and spirutual aspect. 'To loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke.' v6. Some of this we as humans can do, and some we can go some way to doing, but some is for God alone. It is only He that can really 'set the oppressed free', true freedom is something that only God can provide. But we can partner with God, we can work at freedom from the chains that physically bind people.

And we can pray that God would free them from the cords that bind their spirit. That's what Monday's in Kibera are all about for me. Pleading with God for the souls of those forgotten or ignored by so many, but not by God. And v8 talks about the appearance of healing. I've always taken it to mean healing for the person fulfilling the right type of fast as prescribed in the previous couple of verses, but today I've been asking God to bring his healing to these overlooked and downtrodden people.

What's my part in this. To humbly submit myself to God, through my fasting to gain more of a hunger for holiness in all areas of my life, that when God remembers the people of Kibera and begins the transformation of their lives that I ling to see, I would be ready for whatever part in that God has for me.

My prayer is that whatever my part is I would be able to fulfil it humbly, giving ALL the glory to God. I am but a man. Or, to use my superhero persona, I am Butterman!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

When, not If

I'm already starting to think about what happens come Christmas, when the time I've committed to fasting comes to an end. Will I continue? Or will the youthful (I wish) enthusiasm I have for fasting have worn off by then, and I'll be happy to return to a life where fasting is absent.

Wouldn't Satan love that?! The trouble is, I know myself too well, and know that may well be what happens. After all, I'm no different really from the millions of other Christians for whom fasting is something they read of and hear about, but that it's not really for them.

And doesn't Satan love that attitude?! Jesus doesn't talk about fasting much, but what he does say begins with the words "when you fast...". It's not "if you fast", but "when you fast". Clearly it's something He expects us, as Christians, to do.

So why don't we? Or why do we wait, as I've done, until a specific point in our life when we feel we need to go that bit deeper spiritually with God to actually follow Jesus' teaching and fast? If fasting really is a way of getting God's attention that we're serious about something, why do we do it so rarely? What would the spiritual landscape of this world look like if more Christians actually did what Jesus expects us to by saying "when"? Why are we so happy with mediocrity, when God wants so much more for us?

How many of us have friends or relatives who don't know Christ, that we'd love to know Him? Why not fast for them? If fasting is what puts an exclamation mark at the end of our prayers, why not do it more? Surely with an exclamation mark a prayer has more chance of being heard and paid attention to? I guess this begs the question, how many of us expect our prayers actually to be answered? How many of us are expecting God to move powerfully in response to our plea? Or are we just praying because we know we should, knowing that God will hear our prayer because it says so in the Bible, but fully expecting to pick the problem back up and shoulder the burden of it ourselves once the "amen" is said.

"Cast your burdens on to Jesus, for He cares for you", easy to sing, but too many times I've sung it, or prayed it about something specific, said thanks God, then picked up that burden again, and carried on my way. But if I want to live as Jesus intends me to live, I need to walk on without picking it up again. I need to turn my back on that burden, knowing that Jesus has it now. The reason I don't is because I don't really expect Jesus to solve my problems. To be with me through them, yes, but not to actually take them away.

But what I am finding through my fasting is that my expectations of Jesus are going up! So I am expecting Him to come in power into Kibera, to heal people, to deliver people, and generally to let the people of Kibera know that they can cast their burdens onto Him, because He does care for them.

And as our housegroup now fasts each week for different issues, I find that my expectations of answers to our prayers go up. I am surprised if God doesn't answer, not when He does.

So, will I continue after Christmas? Will I make fasting a regular part of my life? Will my level of expectation continue, or diminish?

Truth is, I don't know. I know what I'd like the answer to be, but I also know myself! I think I, and many others, often treat Christianity in a selfish way - we're following Jesus for what we can get out of it. And that in itself is not necessarily bad. It's just that we don't realise that the more we put in, the more we will get out.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Is fasting contagious?

Another Monday, another fast day for me in Kibera. This being the 1st Monday of the month there are also many Turning Point supporters fasting and praying for God's future for TP.

Last week at homegroup I shared about why I was fasting, and they all decided to introduce a weekly time of prayer and fasting for issues that people within our group are facing. We are concentrating on one or two issues, and expecting to see answers - it's exciting!

Today in Piper's book I've been reading about the importance of learning from others in history who have incorporated fasting as a method of supporting the ministry they are involved in. And one thing I wasn't taught in history at school is that in 1756 the King of England called for a national day of fasting, to avert a threatened invasion by the French. It worked!

We are continuing our warfare prayer in Kibera, and several of us have experienced some spiritual attacks in the last few days, so we definitely need to continue this type of prayer. It's great to know that, through Jesus, we already have the victory!

I'll end this update with a thought, again from Piper's book:

Fasting puts the exclamation mark at the end of our prayer!

Monday, September 28, 2009

The absence of fasting

So I'm continuing my preparations for God's coming to Kibera by studying 'A Hunger for God' by John Piper. This week the few pages I've read have had a number of challenges, one of which being the question: what does the absence of fasting say about us? Now, this is my first period of fasting, and Piper suggests that not fasting suggests a contentment with the way things are, with the spiritual status quo, with the absence of Christ. Yet when we pray the Lord's prayer, we say 'your kingdom come'. It won't come unless we are earnestly seeking it, unless we hunger for it, unless we hunger to see God move in power here on earth. Fasting will not create this hunger, but it is a way of expressing it. And we can be more aware of our spiritual appetites when we're not in the bondage of physical ones.

Fasting is not a pacifistic discipline but rather a fearsome weapon in the Christian's armoury to use in the fight of faith.

And I have realised that we are under spiritual attack in Kibera at the moment. Many staff members are being distracted from their Kingdom work by family sicknesses and other things. This morning I spoke to all the staff about expecting such attacks, and encouraging them to put on the armour of God daily to ensure they are equipped for the fight. If we are seriously seeking God to transform this community of Kibera, satan won't be happy, so opposition is to be expected. But, we have the victory!

Pastor and I have been doing some warfare prayer today at the project, and I expect we will need to do this every week on our fast days.

We are earnestly seeking for God's kingdom to come in Kibera! And we invite any others to pray with us for this.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Come, Lord Jesus

The bible ends with this plea. It qas also the cry of the early church, longing for Jesus to come. How many of us have lost that longing?

Through this fast I am trying to plead with God to 'come to Kibera'. To bring His justice to Kibera. To bring healing and wholeness to the people who live there. People looked down upon or ignored by so many, yet precious to God.

If I believe Jeremiah 29:11 for these people, and I care about these people, my natural response must be to plead with God to 'come into Kibera'.

But I need to put down my expectations on the manner of God's coming. If He chooses to come with healing, that's His choice. If not, and He comes in another way, that's His right.

It is not for me to dictate to God how he answers my plea. It is for me to make my plea, and continue to make it until it is heard and answered.

Like the persistent widow in Luke 18.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Strongholds

Just got back from our homegroup where I talked a little about my weekly setting aside time with God to get a sense of His purposes spiritually in Kibera. We also shared about the spiritual attacks that Jo in particular has been experiencing.

It was good to share, and we got some serious prayer and sharing of Bible verses which was great.

And the realisation of how many spiritual strongholds there are in Kibera.

Daunting, but also exciting!

First Fast - the post

Well I think the title's clever anyway. Completed my first day of fasting on Monday - no blinding revelations, but then Monday was a busy day showing people round in Kibera, then having them back at the house. So I spent a lot of the day watching people eat, either in Kibera or at home, but managed to not join in myself.

Maybe next Monday I'll get some time to spend with God!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

A Hunger for God

So, having thought for the last couple of years that God may want to do some healing ministry through Turning Point in Kibera, I now think that the time has come to start the ball rolling.

Over the last couple of months I have been thinking about fasting, and what its purpose is, so as to know whether or not to do some before jumping in feet first and just going for it. To try to answer this question I've started reading John Piper's 'A Hunger for God'. Even just the introduction has convinced me that I want to do some fasting prior to starting the healing ministry. At the moment I'm thinking that from September to December will be the time when I can maybe fast once per week and demonstrate my seriousness about this to God. And we'll see what happens...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

At the coast AND ONE OF MY PRIORITIES WHILST HERE IS TO START THINKING AND PLANNING ANFG PRAYING ABOUT HOW TO START HEALING ON THE STREETS OF KIBERA. SO NO SURPRISE THAT WE WERE AWAKE HALF OF THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT FIGHTING OFF WHAT WE CONSIDER TO BE A SPIRITUAL ATTACK. HOPEFULLY TONIGHT WILL BE BETTER IN TERMS OF SLEEP!